peek~a~boo

NEED TO GET A CURE FOR MY WRITER’S BLOCK!!i’m just plain bored. haihzz..i miss all my friends back in secondary school. the feeling is absolutely different back then. all of us were maturing together. laughing our heads off a sickening jokes, not to mention horny ones..(thanks a lot kian liang and kirsten).

it’s just life i guess. not always the way you want it. the only way is to adapt to permanent changes. sometimes i look back into my past, viewing at the things i have done, there are certainly lots of mistakes. but being myself keeps me happy, so i hope friends out there..accept me the way i am. i am lonely at heart, where my family does not show much support. at some resort, i rely a lot on friends. but it’s all one network of friends out there, linking to one another.. jealousy is still around in the friendship world. what can i do?some things are not worth to put up into a fight. i rather let it go. in my life, i am surrounded by guys more than girls. maybe it’s because of my personality. not that i don’t like girls. but sometimes things are not right to be discussed among them.. in a girl’s world, there’s sure to have backstabbing and mean statements. i find it intolerable. my point of sensitivity has reached the optimum level. yet laughter is profound when there’s a girl talk. hee…hee..hee..

some things just stick to you in life… the past will always affect the future, one way or the other. it depends on how you think and act on the situation which is the same, right in front of your eyes. ahhhhhh………right now..i just wanna crawl to my kitchen and indulge into chocs…

knowing you takes my breath away.. seeing you made me blush.. talking to you all night and day.. feels like screaming joyfully on the top of my lungs.. I felt so light and relaxed.. Being so close to you.. But day by day I realize.. It’s not the usual feeling I use to feel.. You made my heart beat furiously.. Adrenaline rushing to my face.. Butterflies in my stomach wanting to break free.. Making me feel so tickly and funny.. Still not losing my grace.. I think I know what’s love by then.. The word itself makes me smile.. When I remember when.. You said that you’re loving as well.. But to whom I don’t know.. I secretly wished it was me.. But who am I to tell.. That I don’t deserve someone like you.. Especially someone like you.. So I tried to shut my doors.. Restrained myself from loving you.. But.. i don’t know how to stop it from spreading.. it’s like a virus with no antidote.. I suffered from not sleeping.. Ate with a stomach not filling.. Walked like a blind man on the streets… Talked to the birds, bees and the trees.. I wished all of this will end.. At this moment I wish I can just be your trusted friend.. But I can’t lie to myself either.. I don’t want my love for you to die.. And to wither… i promise i will be ever so loving.. if there is a glimmer of hope.. trust is what we both are looking for.. care and support is what’s next.. most important of all… love is what takes above the rest… i’ve done my best.. to help you see.. that love can be found.. in the coldest place wherever you might be.. now what i’m waiting for… is just your love.. and be with me..

good evening..a courtesy of being polite…now where do you often get to hear that nowadays?im just crapping..ignore me….hurmm…life’s good…cut my hair..total weirdo…hehe…look chicky aye?i thought so too..added two more subject this sem…gosh..stupid timetabe…abolosh LAN people!!!it’s a waste of time and money!!!haizz…busy busy busy everyday…after classes..which usually ends at three thirty…go back home to daddy’s..crash there…eat dinner..and out to pick my brother up from the gym…wish there’s an alternate routine i can have..it’s actually getting into my studies..not that i’m complaining..but my time is not fixed…even after picking my bro up..have to drop by at my grand’s at times..where we hang out there  till late at night..by the time i’m back..so so late…as my head touches the pillow..i snore…hardly have the time to relax…………but..at least i’m occupied..so that i can get my mind off at something…hehe…..but no matter how busy i get..still have to remind myself to keep in touch with old friends..and family members of course..start to miss my mummy…sniff sniff…..i love you mum!!!!

well…when was the last time you see your parents holding hands, embracing each other without feeling embarassed?or have you even see them doing it before?do they show affectionate towards each other in front of you? hurmm..there are two theories i suppose…

number one~~~set a perfect example on not to make out in the public

                      for youngsters      

                                                      OR

number two~~~they’re together because of the children and commitment

                      and without the feeling at all.

of course it is obselete to show your mushiness in front of everyone.. but where’s the old romantic stroll in the park? the walk in the rain? the i~won’t~let~go~of~your~hand in the bus situation?

to be exact, i have never seen my parents, doing that particular activity anymore..and it’s amazing how parents can survive without the old courting situation…(unless your parents truly love one another and never tired of showing how loving they are towards one another).. most of the time they have to take care of the household, making commitments, putting them into action more than words. sacrifice for children.

then..some relationship couldn’t survive…the Big Bang happened.dad goes left, mum to the right. kids in between.. to be frank, i never have my mum’s hand on my left and at the same time my dad’s on the right. some couples just live through it..they survive without it. in my world, i see parents fighting, arguing on who’s the right one…but seldom hand in hand with anything.why won’t they reminisce about why they fell in love at the first place and work things out?

sometimes i wonder, what it’s like to have your parents greeting each other with love words..in front of their children…i suppose that’s what makes the family grow stronger without relationships breaking down…

i think it’s kind of fun to see parents show affectionate towards one another..it makes you want to know about their courtship…which is more direct without hanky panky at all….

to the children who have parents saying i love you meaningfully everyday, you guys are extremely lucky~~~spread the love around~~~!!

sunday nights are creepy…the next morning, you gotta get ready for work, school, commitments…etc..etc… my sunday nights??a lot of shifting…transferring my stuff and bags back to my dad’s place…then from monday to friday, stay at his haven… on saturdays and sundays….i gotta pack my stuff again to my mum’s. i hated it when it comes to transportation wise…i don’t own a car, moreover my dad isn’t gonna get me one…so i rely on my mum, my bro and my sister…which sometimes it can be quite a nuisance to organise my to and fro transportation. hectic schedule don’t you think so?weekends at my mum’s place can be really creepy,where there is no one at home. to stay at my dad’s? i can’t stand the pressure building up there…

so guess what i normally do on sunday nights? yeap…post crap in my blog…where creativity flows.sit on the couch stare at the wall. there’s no exact family day. not for once…my whole family…complete…sit down and eat at dinner time…sometimes i wish it will happen…to see your family members side by side…chewing and swallowing food….i must be crazy to have this wish….not that i am still crying inside cuz of the situation of my family..but what if? haih…guess i should stop day dreaming huh???i think sunday nights makes me miserable..hehehe…..

why mothers are monsters?gosh….that’s what comes to your mind everytime you have an arguement with your mum..fact is,some mothers are MONSTERS. you don’t clean your room, you get screwed. you messed up with instructions from the wide red eyed mother, oh boy, another in the running. you got into trouble, they muttered why they give birth to you in the first place. run off with a guy, they track you down and bash you up. that bad? challenge my mum. she puts the blame on everyone when it comes to a small matter. scowls her own mother. mind you my grandma’s old. when my mum’s in the heat, the whole household will get shaken to the core. as if we owe her lots. i mean. which mum mumbles about giving a lift to your friend who lives nearby? she will tell my friend to pay up for the petrol. gosh!!talk about being in a friendly neighbourhood. my parents are divorced, where at times it is hard to have family gatherings. for example, celebrate new year. ya, someone might reprociate that i get lots of red packets for having two sides of my family. but to please them and put my parents next to each other?it’s like mixing oil with water.my mum will scowl my dad, and my dad will assume she’s singing a terrible song. no one in my family can tolerate her. you might scowl me for being indecent for trashmouthing bout my mother, truth is she’s too much sometimes. high and mighty type of superior. when it comes to housework, all of us will get front seat tickets to go to the anger absorbtion movie starring my mother. it’s not that my siblings and i don’t do our household chores, to her it’s like not enough. think about it. my mum’s not working. she is a fulltime housewife who can easily manage to clean up a small household. when no one does the job, she puts the blame on me when i get back home.mind you i don’t live with her. i got kicked out by her own mouth. after classes i come back to her house sometimes. i even helped out. now what’s her problem?she said i was being ungrateful and spreading rumours about her kicking me out. come on…i was having a big exam, she screwed me up for no reason, which the real culprit was my sister and got away with it(i don’t blame her) and screamed at me…don’t you ever come back to this house anymore. get out.so i did. and she got away with it, saying that i was being immature and it wasnt true that she did say it. would you be pissed for being denied?if it was my mistake, i sure will admit it. but she doesnt. who’s the monster now? what is good for her?that her children stick close to her everyday?we are all grown up, the way a child should be, but to be perfect? i can’t make that real. furthermore, which mother counts every single cent she spend on you?can any of you tell me that your mum does it? coz i don’t think my mum’s normal.

yeah, i admit, it’s bad to talk trash bout your own mother. but it’s too much. she aggravates me. one is enough.lets just cross fingers hoping that my stepmum won’t be like her in the near future.don’t get me wrong, i still love my mum. but the things she do..i can’t cope with it for now…im not being ungrateful. im just pointing out that there’s a monster in my mother and it’s growing. hope i can manage to put it to a stop…..it’s infectious….